Wednesday, September 26, 2012

The last time from this small place

Sometimes you never know when the last time is
but I know this is the last time Ill be writing from this computer
I feel aware of all my surroundings
It hurts but Im glad im escaping
it burns but its like a cool breeze
Im desperate to find myself and to change myself
Im adamant to become someone else
I didnt try my best here
there are so many things I could have done in such a small place
I could have reached to the world
there are so many things I could have discovered and adapted
I didnt do that and I know that
I learnt one very important thing
and that is if you enter something anything
you must do it right
you must put your all
but you must be kind and good
what i wasnt
Ya Rab
let my last times be better be easier be happier be less suffocating
be more...romantic
I want to be more romantic
to the right thing
God Im sorry
Im just so sorry 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -