Monday, September 10, 2012

Starting again_ forgive & forget

A new day, a new way where the old me refold s and blooms filled with inspiration and aspiration to do better
I ask myself
Why am I not happy, excited, feeling wonderful, proud,
I think
its because of this block of drama in front of me
but why?
because i always want so much from me and by me but i never put in enoug h enerfy
im creeping up
and not sprinting
 I want to forgive and forget
I want to let live and let go
I want to smile connected to my heart

I want to go
but not now 
not like this
I Would be incomplete
like a half baked wonderful cake
or a like a quarter eaten apple
no full goodness
or like a terrible exam
because I studies reggae at the time
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -