The Distinction 2

5am I try and be courageous
3.15pm I try and be energetic
I watch flowers of the middle east
and I see what movies are on the cinema, what's new, what's up?
except
deep down I am only barely functioning, I am just about held on
the glue Im using now is way too soft
got no material
no strength
no potency
no long last
no success
no distinct features to ever make me buy this glue at all ever again
as I walk I thank god
as I see the flowers
I think maybe I should?
as I cry inside , I smile and push myself
why am I so heartbroken?
because I didnt try hard enough
because i spent my time doing other things when I should have been concentrating on what i was really meant to do
because i didnt care enough
all my life never had i been so underprepared for such an important situation
and i ask myself
how prepared am I for the final exam , when you meet the one and only
God?
will he say - that was fine
or will he say well done
excellent
I gave you a distinction
because you worked hard, you were dedicated, determined and I saw in you everlasting wonderful work
That feeling and not this one