Saturday, September 1, 2012

Signed...I refuse

I refuse to fall
I refuse to call on the wrong thing
I refure to lose my determination
I refuse to get myself in a common mess
for common people
for common lay stupid people
I refuse to shadow in black
I refuse to fall
I'd rather die
I'd rather starve
I'd rather have any dismercy fall
but not this fall
never
I refuse to go soft
I refuse to lose this battle
this is a battle i refuse to get killed in
to die in
no I'd put my life for everything
but I refuse to put my life for something wrong like this
particularly this
I refuse to forget ramadan so early
I refuse to forget ramadan at all
I refuse to let God see me like this
I refuse to put my dreams up for sale
i refure to bow out of the game with broken arms and legs
I refuse to be the last
I refuse
it all
i will type till i erase the part in me that cannot understand
It will not have control
I refuse to listen to the wrong hting
to see the wrong thing
to hear the wrong thing
to feel the wrong thing
its simple this year
I refuse to be the old me


signed
I refuse

1 comment:

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -