Thursday, September 27, 2012

Destination: Elegance

This is the elegance im looking for , the war im trying to fight myself for
this is the lack of drama i need, the peace of mind I  want to succeed
living and breathing with hope
true hope
in a cold air of true life dreams
this is the place i wana go
and the image i wana show
of life and love and control
and elegance
and calm
serenity in every piece inside me
and tranquility around
me
not this humongous lifeless shadow i live now
Ya Rab tomoro will be hte last firday here
i have to eat so much to not throw it out
but i Would feel worse if i had to throw it all out
Ya Rab help me
and suppport me in all I do
 I am useless in managing my life

I need to recover
I need to live
I need my things to go well but before anything I need me to go well
Ya rAb
I need you so much
please help me
please ya Rab I need you
more than anything
to help me live my dreams
the ones small and big
tall and medium
xtra large
and super size
I know
I know
I can only be beautiful if I feel it
so please let me feel it
and let me feel like someone else can feel it
and let me know it deep in my heart
that you send me that man from heaven 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -