Tuesday, September 18, 2012

like a viva

It is one month and 1 day since Ramadan started
i have accomplished a lot of things
and I am being examined
I hope I pass
in all my examinations

there is no more time
lets imagine all the time that you could ever waste has been used . watch ends
did you ever think about when the watch ends/
there is no more second chaces then
there are no more new beginnings or try again

would you not feel disgusted that yo uwasted ALLLL thattttt time
and none of it was ever about this day
Ya Rab let me be strong
from the tips of my hair until the tips of my feet
and let me be a queen from the tips of my hair till the tips of my feet

Ya Rab
you are teaching me patience and yo uare trying to see how much  I have faith in you
and how much I love you
and how much I will not fail you

its like a viva
you hsow the other person how smart and well versed and prepared you are
you will be distinct
you dont.... you will not be distinct
simple equation
and i want to be distinct for you this time Ya RAB


im sorry Ya Allah
Im sorry for all the time ive wasted
im sorry for all the unnecessary tears
thank you for showing me all this now , when im young m when im strong and when im preapred
if this happend before this Ramadan i dont think i would be this composed
but this Ramadan somethign inside me changed i learnt
i learnt patience and lov eand finding myself and taking waht was stole nfrom me back
my soul
and thus
it does make a difference

 no matter what happens i am with you Ya RAB
my closure is with you
my happiness is with you
my key to love and life and understanding is with you
Ya RAB

it only saddens me that i didnt trust you enough and myself enough and that the past haunts me with wasted time and tears

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -