Saturday, September 1, 2012

Signed ......never let you

They say he's good at what he does
he's bee naround since adam
and before when he actually  did obey god and his call
but then refused to bow to his creation us
and so decided he would make life thus
.......a disaster
they say he's smart, strong and sexy
they say he's invisible but can be unlike and come in all different forms
they say he is very good at his work
and thus his career has propsered and will prosper indefinietely
Professor Devil?

how can a young young girl like me fight him?
defeat him
make him so angry that I'm not listening
threaten him
change the game
win the game
make him run
make him cry
make him die if he tries come near me

how can such inexperience win?
how can such lack of knowledge get a distinction in thisexam
the exam of beating him
doing better and beyond
never


i never want to see him
I never want to exchange anything with him
I dont want anything from him
I dont want nothing in exchange
I want to be on God's side
ALWAYS

you might say impossible
he's too talented
he's just too talented
like chess
can predict your next move and move before you
pathetic
you might say
is trying to win him

pathetic i say is leaving him win
pathetic I say is believing he can win
pathetic I say is thinking he's smarter
you are human beautiful flesh and mind and blended with courage and love
he is just pathetic in an other realm somewhere with no family
with nothing to do but look at you
with nothing to do but think of ways to mess your happiness
for he has no happinness
he knows he is a part of hell
he knows fire pain and regret are his only home
he knows his existence is pathetic
he knows he has no family, never tasted the feeling of a smile
never tasted the love of God
never tasted the strength of love
never will amount to anything
so the best he can do is make you not amount to anything too

I wont let you
I wont let you
you may try
come and try
try a million times
try a million more
try my whole life
but I will never let you
you are pathetic
you are less than the ability of a cell
or the knowledge of an atom


Signed
......never let you 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -