Monday, September 24, 2012

5 goals

Ya  Rab im sorry for buying sunglasses and other things
no matter waht i wont forget you
you are the reason im happy and living
you are the reason im strong and healthy
ya RAb please dont take my health away
please help me and save me
and change me and change my settings
and change all my accounts
of love , of life, of career, of meaning
nothing is breaking my heart than knowing i lack meaning
ya Rab I ask you to make me the one
for someone
this is my true and only dream
 i want to be that woman for him
i dont want it to be hard or meaningless
Ya rab this is the most important things to me
apart fro myou
i want to give it my all
im ready to do that 
please help me
please let my ramadan prayers work
please forgive me
please help me tomoro and tuesday
please dont let me feel ashamed
please let me be proud for I am hurt that i couldnt make my parents proud
please let me make them proud
please let me find all the reasons im alive
like being a muslim is one
or being someone with kindness
if i learnt anything from C
its to be a good heart
i really dont have that
and if im wrong in my judgement fine
but i dont have a good heart

there are aims i want to do

one - to find my good heart
two - to empower my health
three - to find my love
four -  to be happy
five - to remain as faithful as ramadan

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -