Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I want to go_ Ya Rab let me go

I ask myself
what is it you really want to do
I answer
lose the meaning of days and love forever
mondays will be fridays and saturdays will be tuesday
ovens will be warm with chicken pies and later red velvet cake
the sunhsine will melt my worries away
th prayers will fit right that 4 pm evening tea will always have mint or cardemon
I will indulge in myself in everything like soap and perfect nails and face masks, like hair curlers and cream , lots and lots of body cream - traditional or modern silk - but I will also advance in balance - learning quran, starting early, reading always, stopping technology , I'm so tired of typing, I want to forget my passwords and usernames, I want to remember only cake and biscuit recipes, mango radio at 9.17 am in omdurman reflections on a tuesday morning peaceful yet energetic with cars and transport and wonderful times

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -