Sunday, September 9, 2012

The Distinction 4

I ask myself the question
have you ever known god to be unjust in your life ?
no is the answer he has always been so so kind
so why now? clearly it is not that he wanted to hurt you
but it is that he wanted to show you
that you must try before he can give you anything
if you try and lose then it was not meant to be
otherwise it will remain hanging in the air for life
I ask myself the question
are you really trying ?
No is the answer
thus you will never ever succeed
I ask myself the question
why have you applied?
because i must try
even if its no
but it wont be if i try
if i try it will be meaning full
it will not be consuming
it i try it will be a chance lost
and not a chance stolen
if i try it will be a day sad and not many days many many days heartbroken
if it try I may succeed
and i may not
but it will not be that i didnt get it that will haunt me
it will be the fact that i didnt try
just like i am not trying in my life in other areas
as usual
as usual


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -