Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Distinction 3

There are times when I dream about all that is beautiful
there are times when I am strong, super and adamant
there are times when  i am never jealous of anything, anyone, anywhere
there are times when I am healthy, young and good, simply with a good heart


But I am not consistent


I am sure the distinction is that i was not consistent
you see there are times when I feel like I didnt deserve it anyway
but there are times when I feel I wasnt given the chance

it hurts me when I see that the second point is right
I didnt deserve it anyway
because I wasnt consistent

and the same may be apparent in all aspects of my life


THE DISTINCTION IS TO BE CONSISTENT

ps I Promise I will not let them give me sympathy
I promise  I will not let anyone make me feel like I do not deserve beauty,,,, love,,,,, happinness
I promise I will not let myself down.....ever again


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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -