Wednesday, November 30, 2011

البعد عن ربنا اكتئاب

البعد عن ربنا اكتئاب

Did you ever consider this pain youre in right now is not because your soul is bad but it is because it is a good soul and it is screaming and hurting you to see that 

Did you ever stop and take a look at yourself, take a loot at what you want , what you do who you are, where you are going 

Did you ever stop and wonder why you are doing this way, why you are in agony in hertbreak in a continuous cylce hypnotised by pleasure and fake dreams

Did you ever wonder where those dreams are coming from, how thy arrived why are they your dreams and not somebody elses

Did you ever ask yourself who are you

Did you ever take time to wonder about God and true faith not this temporary participation this lame attempt this empty try that you take as religious

 

you are not religious

you do not pray

you just do bodily actions and move your lips and all i nthe wrong times with other plans and even dreams in your head

you do not wear hijab

you just wear a piece of clothing on your head

it doesnt mean anything to you 

you do not want to achieve

you just come and go and go and come and pretend like you are still holding on

you are not in love

you just obey the scnes and the films the music and the lyrics and fantasise about something you have no experience or knowledge about and pretend you have become a professional

you think you are in love ?

with whom?

with what exactly

since when

and where did it happen

do you have answers for any of these quesitons?

you dont know anything about love

take a look at yourself

and do not blame anything or anyone

do not blame

for it is you

that is lacking in the gorgeous 

Did you ever cry about something that actually you should cry about

no youve only cried about htings that you do not need to cry about

and what  you really need to cry about 

what should really give you tears

you ignore

you find ok

you can live with

Did you ever consider that you have become someone who you cannot trust

can you trust yourself/

Icant

 

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -