Thursday, November 24, 2011

Khartoum heartbreak pre 1

(the pre collection) -

Last time I caused the city to bleed
it cried as I came to visit and never asked it how it was
it sobbed as I passed through it unaware at its beauty
it had done so much to greet me
applaude me
love me
make me me
and yet
last time
I shed no affection for the morning dusk
or the afternoon anger of heat
or the mid evening licence to silence
or the sunset glow
or the evening kisses of the moon
or the dark night that catches the stars

last time I hurt the feelings of the streets, the rocks the houses
I was arrogant and disobedient
a foreigner coming to intrude the meaning of stillness trueness
the walls had to collide with my crash
and the gardens had to distend with my poisons

last time I turned my back to the sillhouette of the midnight trees
and the sounds of the morning birds
and the whispers of the beautiful elderly respected
and the everlasting love that cannot be contained or explained
in khartoum


Khartoum heartbreak - pre
as I walked out into the tarmac to catch my flight away from home
the whole capital cried
for it had lost a part of its persons and I had lost a part of my natural instinct to take care of myself
and my country
it was just lucky that the sound of the plane was so loud no one could hear my screams
no one could hear my rubbles of dreams crumbling
as I got on the plane I couldnt look back for I knew
I had hurt my only lover in this world
I had broken up with the place I was born
I had terribly destroyed the relationship between myself and ......  Khartoum
and it hated me
for coming to it and doing this to it in its own place
it hated me because I was sudanese and it loved me for who I was - but never what i had become

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -