Saturday, November 19, 2011

as I looked up to the sky... more than 2 years ago

The only one who can limit you is yourself



I can do that



when god gives me the world



and opens the future with a golden key



when god offers me love, help, freedom and happiness



I am still lost



WHY?



can i not just , STOP, take a deep breath and start again - but keep it real



with gratitude and strength



I need to never give in



and not be selfish



God has not been anything but kind



he is so kind



so kind



as i sat there - I looked to the sky and thanked him



so hard



because he had given me a place right here , right now



and i was romantic for that






that was romance and passion



not...this



this is wrong permission of an unforgiving kind



I am unforgiving to myself



I am .... wrong

__________

I am...pieces of broken glass
By the mother land of anger
I am...broken into tiny pieces and returned
What am I to do now?
Forgive?
Forget?
Remember?
Be well
Be kind
There is a limit to how kind can I be
Though and it is hard
I can’t understand why it is so bad
Why it is deep
Why it is so ....true?
I don’t know
It shouldn’t be so difficult
It should not be

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -