BUT she is there and I can see her but I can I stop her?

I am jealous
it is a terrible emotion
it sucks all my devotion
but I am jealous?


I get jelaous of her dress
her eyes
her words
the girl of my dreams

I get jealous of her body
her money
her rhapsody
her lover

I am jealous of her sweetness
her deepness
her happinness
her magical existence

I am jealous of the way she talks
walks
works
works with everything around her
and changes it to love her

I am jealous of her stealing my dreams away
for theyre hers and not mine per se
once upon a time she will take them away
the woman of my dreams
the one I want to make gleam


BUT

she will say
you punished me looking at you
you hurt me thinking of you
you broke me looking at you
you suffocated me challenging you

she will cry
everyday I tried to save you
every hour I screamed so i might help you
every minute I didnt stop begging you
to stop what you were doing and look inside you

Look at me
the one who holds you dear
I am you but you made me dissappear
I am the one you were meant to shine with
together we would live rich , we would live dear

Why did you do this to me
what did I do for you to do this to me
feed me evil feed me misery
take me nowhere emprison me
make me watch nightmares and leave them frighten me
why did you do this to me
take away what was most important to me
like your breath , your eyes, this is so important to me

She will say
she will cry
Look at me
why did you do this to me!

BUT
all I see is that I am jealous of the girl within me
the one that I canot let escape
the one that tortures me
with all her beauty
happinness
&
control

She is wonderful
she knows exactly what she wants
I can see her enter the right rooms
drive the right cars
meet the right people

but most importantly
I watch her
waking up on time
sleeping organically
with a face sleeping angelicaly
with a rhythm that is blissfully
correct

I want to be her
I want to wake her
tell her
I want yo to help me
show me how we can be one

I reach my hand out
I want to touch her
So we become one
the woman of my dreams

BUT

Sleepless while you were sleeping
praying while you were praying less
courageous while you were fearful
easy while you were dramatic
dramatic while you were easy

we are too different
you cannot see what i have been pained by
I cannot see what you are in love with
I hate it when I see you lifeless
I hate it when you feel lifeless
even though life is inside you
ready to go life
I think ivedone everything to show you


BUT
i cannot see
BUT
I am no longer going to show
its too late
BUT
Please dont go
you are my dream
my real dream
my only dream
the one I will wnat forever dont go
BUT
i have to there is no longer any use in staying with you , loving you asking you to see me
goodbye
BUT
NO no
WAIT
have i ever begged you like this
have I ever told you all I want is to be you
have i ever begged  you for your helo
yes its true youve always tried to give it to me freely
and I am sorry for never taking it
but today
today I beg you to help me
Please
Dont go
BUT
.....................................................