Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I.... must continue 3, Searching

I must continue, searching
For the right time
the riht moment
the right way

I must continue searching and never give up
never stop believing that my search will find...
the answer, the right anser, the only answer

One day people will find the cure to aids
one day people will find the cue to cancer
One day I will find the cure to my own diseases

one day I will recover from my own diseases
One day I will find what I search for

one day certain people will find heaven
One day certain people will find hell
One day  I will find the way to heaven
I will search for the road always

I must search for a reason
I must search for a solution
before its too late

One day my eardrums will stop pounding
my heart will stop beating
my soul will stop laughing
my mind will stop thinking
my body will stop moving
one day I will stop searching here
and start searching there
one day I will never stop searching


I must continue searching
searching for who I am
searching for the one
who is the one for me?
i must search for the completion of myself within myself

I must search
I must do a lot of searching

I must search for the early morning
the late in night
where prayers are answered
i must search for the waking
the early dew wen birds chirp good morning

I must continue searching for love
the way to love myself
to provide myself with complete attention and complete care
I must search for space, to find grace
for new memories
I must search for new thoughts
new places to be in , want , look for
I must search for new things
better things
challenging things
new goals
I must search for new goals


I must search
search for life
search forever in life
search for life in life

learning
giving
changing
becoming
yearning
stopping
I search to stop
anger
pain
suffering
within me
I search to understand
a lot of things
too many things

suddenly I search for time
I search for time
amazing how just a few moments ago
 i had all the time in the world

Now i have no time to search
just searching for time
I have no time
I search for forgotten time
time asleep
time in tears
time in devil dreams
time in wasteful echoes
time in the future
when the future is not here

I must continue to search
I


........To be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -