Wednesday, November 30, 2011

saying the same thing a different way

 Ten is just a number only you can make it mean something
all ten times means is that youve failed ten times
it means you still have 90 more chances to succeed if we say you had 100 tries
it means that youve found 10 wayas that do not work
it means you were unsuccessful 10 times but that you tried ten times
even if you want to not say that
all it means is that you did not try hard enough 10 times
you always hav a next time
as long as you are alive
as long as you are not dead
10 times is a lot
but 11 is more
you can look at hte 10 all you want it wont go away
but you can stop 11 ,12 ,13,............
if you really want
you can stop it all
the past 10 and the future can be eradicated from any new 10 failures
then
it will just be10
and you can say butI passed 90 times if we say 100 tries
even if we say 30 tries
you have failed a third
and you have two thirds to pass
if you pass the the two t hirdds then you pass the whole test
and the bad third will be forgotten about
10
is a big number
but 20 is bigger
10 is a ig number
9 is smaller
8 is smaller
do you remember when you were at 8 did you know you were gona be at 10? no
you thought the exactsame way now
I want to stop at 8, 7 ,6
but it didnt happen
so you failed
at 5,4,3 and now you are at 10
do you want at 15 to say one time I was at 14,13,12?
do you want to feel the same way you felt at 8 at 12?
will 10 be the same as 25?
or will it be 10
the end

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -