I.... must continue 1, Breathing

I ....must continue breathing

Dear God

I cannot find you

I cannot feel you 

or touch you no more

I have diesi nside a million times 

and the shell of memories I cannot break 

Dear God

I cannot make you

happier

I cannot take faith

stronger

I cannot do something

powerful

even if its small

instead I do weak things 

big

Dear God

my hands shake

my body aches

my ears hate

my life is a rake

of bad choices

Dear God

I dream 

I dream good

I dream bad

I dream always

I dream for me

for you

for him

for us

I dream so many dreams they collectively

bind me into non existence

I dream my life living

I dream my love begging

I dream my future changing

I dream my future

I dream my future today 

but didnt I dream today yesterday?

so am I no,t in a chain of unbroken dreams?

unchallenged visions of the present

spiralling down the loop of fathom....

somewhere between yesterday and tomorow

I am alive

but I am neither here or there

and I will never get there

for I live in shallow existence

on the boundary of never never land

by the fence of disorted territory

on the ground of solitary madness

on the toll of my actions

I

.........to be continued