Saturday, November 12, 2011

5 - 1.5

I may have lost the war but I have not lost the battle
I may have been close to losingbut there is one place one time where I Will win
I know I will
I know I can
I know there's a way
just like theres a way calm the soul from evil
to pour coldwater over it and freeze the bad
to shiver instead of burn
to feel cold instead of heat
to let your body exchange temperatures and minus the pain instead of overload the agony
to try a little by little never to succumb to the pressure the tension and the remorse
I will succeeed one day fully
one day I will fully succeed
one day  I will make it
one day I will be so strong that I will never doubt myself
that I Will never slip
today I slipped but I didnT reach the bottom
today I fell but I didnt fall to the end
today I turned to darknss but turned back before the tunnel closed behind me
today I opened the door and I made a choice and for that I eat back a bit of strength
from the accummulation of weakness
today.......I made it ....slightly alive

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -