Sunday, November 20, 2011

ya allaH!

Ya allah!
I am sad
I am so very sad
I feel like I am being hypnotised away from you
I hate this trait
I remember you when it is too late

Ya allah!
I cannot do this anymore
be a person who doesnt think of you
be a girl lost without you
be a woman growing without your guiddance

Ya allah!
I am breaking
losing myself day by day
looking at myself in th mirror and seeing ugliness

is this how  you see me?

Ya allah
sometimes I do not know what to do
 Ifeel terrible I just want to bring back tme
its turning too late
one day it will be too late
and I do not want that day to come

Ya allah!
save me
I beg you save me
something is stopping me
something is pulling me
something is changing me

Ya allah!
take me back to a time I am yours
this is the true love story
I am yours
and you are mine

Ya allah
bring me back to day from that day
let me skip all that terrible failure i have become

Ya allah
save me
please save me!
Ibeg you look at me
but dont hate me
dont detest me
but sorse
dont take all the fiath you gave me
I knwo I am not worthy
but if you help me somehow I will become worthy

Ya allah!
save me
plese I beg you save me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -