She has realised, her life has dissappeared

It's amazing how things can go so wrong from no body but myself

I live in a world where I am healthy and happy independant

sane

well

evenafter all my craziness

I'm still ok

I 'm romantic and sexy

I have so many ideas and dreams

all that can come true just in different times and dates

I feel like Im a speeding train going so fast

in the wrong direction

and its not stopping

Im watching the scenery run fly by me

things that i want

things that i can achieve

-(you know I jsut realised im watching this series on Abu Dhabi Tv called, Ma Malakat Aymanikum) means - what your soul owns

and there is this charachter called 3alya - a girl whose life has dissappeared

it started with a mistake - getting money for one affair so she could buy a wheelchair for her sick dad

then the bad woman who helped her started to threaten her she would tell everyone

then another man came along ( whom she wouldnt have known if not for following that bad woman who is pushing her to do things)

and he wants her

he chases her to have an affair with him

she refuses

so the only way to get out in her eyes is to get properly married

so she allows her mums friends to engage her and she gets married

and travels to an arab country where she discovers

her husband is already married with three kids. so he only comes to her once every month or so

and shes left alone

with the housemaid who is watching her every move

she keeps chatting online
first with her old girlfriends from school


then meets a new man online who she thinks is perfect


she relaxes to him thinks she's in love

she thinks maybe this is her way out , she is prepared to leave   the lonely relationship she is in now



she tells him her story


he's ok with it
they decide to meet


she goes to meet him


she discovers he's a 70 year old disgusting man


she just has a nervous breakdown on the street
cries and cries and cries and runs away

her story ends with her just crying and crying and crying on the edge of a street , falling next to a side lamp looking at everyone walk and pass her by, nobody interested in her, looking at the sky listening to the road and busy cars but not hearing anything

Not hearing anything


She has realised , Her life has dissappeared
little by little by little she cut away from her life until she suddenly realised it was all gone


nothing was left

she was crying because there was nothing left

there was nothing to cry for

I could see her pain
I felt her pain
A part of me felt I was grieving  like her
A part of me wanted to enter into that tv screen and  cry like her
for in that moment in time

we were equal in pain