Monday, November 21, 2011

Ive lost you handsome soldier

you swerve in chivalry
ignite in honesty
walk in bravery
talk in spirituality

You dive in loyalty
Rise in superiority
but never in vanity
cool with tranquility
cool with serenity

I like you
I need you

you are the handsome soldier of my dreams
the one that I think of over and over
no mtter how much I may have forgotten you
or changed you
or even killed you

somewhere you are always mine
somewhere I come back to you
becasue you are the truth
you are the nice of everything
the beautiful of everyone
the centre of me


I am sorry for all ive done
I am sorry for all ive said
I am sorry for all i havnt done
I am sorry for all i havnt said

I wish I could turn bak time and erase anything  that made you unhppy
even though you do not know me or see me I know you would be unhappy

I wish I could change things and be the woman you deserve
for when I look at myself now I do not see the woman of YOUR dreams

I wish I could find you
maybe my life will get ...transformed

but I know that is unfair
for when we meet
it si the transformation we both create that is unique that is ours
and I am selfish to ask for both tHaT and ThIs





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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -