Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Today is too dry 2

Free
I just want to feel free
I want to look free
I want to be i control of my freedom
 i want to dance life the way I want
I want to wake when I need
sleep when I can't
run when I slow
smile when I breathe
Free
I just want to be free
I want my body to look free
I want my mind to be released
from its cage
I want to wear black like white
and white like black
I want my colours to run
into freedom
Free
I just want to walk free
free from the devils 
free from a blocked fat soul
free from a naked mind
free from a broken body
free from useless words
free from everything that I hate within me
and I just want to be free
from the past
the future
the present
I want to be free from the itchy feeling
of distaste
lack of memory
lack of courage
I want to be free
when i dance in life
rather than spill in life
and die in life
undanced

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -