Thursday, December 1, 2011

replace me today

Dear God,

I have to go I should be there now
But I just want to say
I miss you and i love you
you are the love of my life
always
no matter how faw away I get something always pulls me back
saves me
and that is that
My love for you
I know everything is all messed up
yesterday, the day before
but I know that one day, today
it will start
my journey back to yyou
where I will find you dramatically
I am in great need for this love for you
and I beg you to ....never give up on me

I am sorry I always gave my troubles to everyone but you
I am sorry that i felt I had troubles in the first place

I am sorry that I didnt find it in me to be strong enough to stop myself
I am sorry that I was never strong enough for you
and thtath urts me
more than anything

dear God
I bed your forgiveness
your help
I need you all the time
even though I do not show that all the time
please for give me

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -