Saturday, March 31, 2012

Khartoum Heart....mend 1

marriage on my mind
the scent of bakhoor on soft white skin
and the drawing of black curls of mystery you can follow them all over a dusked body
in sandal smoke
warpped in red satin pearled with flowers , silk flowers, gold
touched by gold

marriage on my mind
i let the train so far away from red, gold and softness carry me into this boringword
of green, blue and normal

the speed of the hightrain is not able to whisk me far from my dreams
instead it brings me to them
i let my weight light for a second onthis roller coaster journey of body here and mind there and soul somewhere in beween
what is it that you want
why do you feel forever alone
or do you  need someone to tell you , you are forever alone

countryside whips by, lights barely hold my eye
i cannot concentrate excpet in this eerie collection of unknown places
but wanting things i do not have
and for a minute
for even less than a minute
it was in my control

if i want i can have
i deserve to have
if i want

marriage on my mind
comecloser and stop this madness of foreign attitude
why do i alienate my thoughts so badly
why do i run continents just to dance
just to smell dilka evenings and bakhoor mornings merging into the afternoon hibiscus . shimering with iceand topped with perfect red velvet cake velvet and red with love and red food colouring proud next to red satin and the sweet wave of mbcdrama in the background of a khartoum sunset and cardamon hot tea in the missing hour when it is not too early and not too late - its hard to perfect but here it is perfected just before the nightfully deepens and outside ideas are created ...or not but stars follow us no matter where we go until the night sinks and sinks and it is twilight it is forever still it is believably beautiful it is the queit of romance and the moon shines us both

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -