Wednesday, March 21, 2012

no more obsessions



Yeah, fasting is medicine
beautiful medicine
amazing love
and true patience

fasting is a present and a virtue God gave us

I think to myself
pray
pray for what you want
don'tdream of it
pray for it

Ithink
what you pray for is always near
for God is kind
god is merciful
god is forgiving

I think
what is it that I want
for a while i forgot

actually for a long time i forgot

and now
its all coming back to me
because
ive stopped hypnotising myself
im untolerated to madness
and im calm

its all coming back to me because my
i can actually hear my thoughts and
ic an actually hear my heartbreats
and i let myself
fear
i let myself damage
i let myself


heal

i think
this feels right
debt must be paid
god must be feared
but god must be loved

i think
how can i expect love
when i havnt even been loving God
its l ike asking for an A in an exam when you dont even know what the exam is on
No that is wrong
for an A in anything
inluding God love
you must try
you must do the work

and yes be happy in themiddle of it
but you must do the work
and you must love patience

for patience is beautiful
patience is strong
like a warrior
to help you win anything you want


No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -