Thursday, March 8, 2012

Title 71



It is not allowed for any person to take whats best  in me
to take whats good in me
it is not up to any person to understand me
it is only up to me to understand myself
it is not allowed for any person to take up my thoughts
unless htey deserve
unless I deserve to fill my life with them

it is not up to any person to become a part of me
or the other part of me
or the other half of me
unless God has made us to fit

I am sick of having to bend myself into shape for a person whose figure looks nothing like mine
I am tired of wasting my time

it is not allowed for any person to make my smile go the wrong way
or make my tears fall down
unless they are beautifu ltears
tears of a wedding or tears of a baby born

but never again is any person allowed to turn on my tears
and hey thats me included

for I am sick and tired of fallen tears
expensive tearas
costing me
wiping all my foundation
taking all my walls
and leaving me exposed

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -