I collect untitled mess
The
seasons news is that im in pain
pain caused by myself
by dreams going wrong
by dreams going right yet
and now i am going to be in a new season
a new series of joy and tears
loss and heartbreak
misery and sorrow
love and ......
every
time you commit yourself to a story
you give it a part of you
and that part never comes back
for me anyway
you
are upset because you are better than this
you are stronger and you are wiser
you should know better
you should want better
and you should have better
nicer
you are upset because from the strong dancer you have become weak loser
I
wish I could turn back time
turn back the time I was better
turn back the time I was proud
I was i Was kinder to God
I have no mercy towards him now
so why should he have mercy on me
?
where
is ....my hope and my destiny and my love
What it is...
I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.
My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-
My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.
But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.
Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...
Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -
It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -
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