Memoirs of a Sudanese Breath: Drawings into me 1 to 21

Monday, March 5, 2012

Drawings into me 1 to 21

I dont have a lot to say except all that I am about to say is new
yesterday it took me forever to stop feeling the excess beats of my heart
i wondered was I always like this or is my heart just beating really fast?
why is my heart so worried??

I think
I am better than anything in no way selfish or proud

I think my head is clear and my hands are unsensitised
i think my faith is challenging and not being challenged

I think I am thinking again i am orange....never before bright with new colours of my own life and nobody elses

I think I am going to become a new orange souffle
well risen, tasty, sweet and most importantly hard to get right but when done is gorgeous!!

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -