Saturday, March 3, 2012

Echoes in my mind_(without the sin)

a new baby girl is born far far away... and i am still sad so near
i think
creations and deprivations hand in hand
I have deprived myself of breathing, living nicely, happily alive
and it is my hand on my neck choking all young within me strangling all sweet next to me
un
natural amidst the beautiful singing of a newborns song
strange the same name and I am still wrong
 the unpredictable curled way they are and  the smallest touch makes them wriggle
and the sweetest smell makes me smile and the coincidence makes me for a moment , just a young instant make me feel fine

and yet i am unpleased with gods plan
i am accompanied by abnormality
by residuality
of a terrible affair
______________________
maybe you are right
but maybe you are the wrong perosn for the right person
how would you feel if were the wrong person ?
are you sure God wants you to meet the right one ? maybe they are wrong too you just havnt realised it yet

for a small moment I feel calm
I feel calm thinking of a young dream
watching a beautiful dream
tempted to go the right way

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -