how many times can i try to fly
how many times can i hope
how many days till i cannot cope
how many hours is it till the end
how many mistakes will i send
how many moments will i despair
how many things will i not repair
how many ways can my heart be broken
how many times will i get a free token
to survive in another chance
to stop and get out of this nightmare trance
how many tries will i be given
until i will never get another try to enter heaven
will there be a day where i will have to be
stuck outside the door of 'you couldnt just see'
that all inside you was rotten and feverish
to a heat of calamity you were arrogant and selfish
losing your way because you wanted to
passing the time because you had to
never try to really work hard
you never could from pleasure be barred
no you had to feel lust and desire all for yourself
and now you've missed out on your true self
you could have been on the inside of eternal bliss
you could have felt an erotic loves kiss
not in an inentionally wrong way
no in an absolutely heavenly day
you could have gotten all you ever dreamed
you could have touched all you ever deemed
excrutiatingly far away and dangerous it seemed
but honestly you just never was right enough to see how it gleamed
and wasnt as bad as you ever thought
and wasnt as hard as you ever brought
this story to a complete and utter mess
and you brought this fantasy to a complete and distinct chess
of a queen who couldnt even win the game
even though she had the power and the rules to have all the fame
of goodness and aspiration she could ever move
but she just stood still and let the devil groove
all that was royalty inside her
all that was brilliant and brighter
all that was magical and after
she threw away ever after
i could go on about the damage in my soul
damaged and dammed there is a place i call
but none can hear me and i fall and fall
fall and fall and fall and hit the wall
and there is no more hope for me to ever wake
for i have given my all and put it at stake
for a little bit of pleasure and a lot more pain
for a little bit of fantasy i was very very vain
how many tears will i have to cry
how many fears will i have to try
until i find that all my pain is here
awaiting me to feel it clear
how many hours will have to pass
how many dramas will have to dance
hhow many moments will have to fade
until i pick the colour that suits my shade
I am not this that or the other
i am a certain t ype of another
I am not this way that way or ever
going to be something like you never
i am different to everyone else
stop trying to change the silence of strength
and make noise with the weakness of you
and make ppower with the ugly in you
how many words will i have to write
until i give up and i give up the fight
how many actions will i have to dare
until one action is the right heir
to a new day and a shooting star
that i watch cross the sky not so far
many years ago awaiting its truth
even if im no longer in the age of its youth
i wish upon time to go back
i wish the impossible and i wish i attack
alll my senses and start again
and find the centre of the earth inner my zen
try to make sense of a lost argument
and you'll find its all just lifes instrument
to play out of tune out of sync out of life
to become the odd, the unhearable the slice of a knife
in the broken oorchestra of tonight
i write and write and write
looking for a word to suprise me
searching for a change in my history
in the shattered of the night
i fight and fight and fight
to be the different to be th strange
to be the better but i am still deranged
from all that is right easy and beautiful
from all that is good simple and changable
from all that is kind honest and faithful
from all that is new older and intertwinable
with all that is gone done and sung
all that is useless clueless and flung
out in open destructive years
the wounds still open from thse passing spears
of warrior time
of dry time
of awful time
of a time i miss
when i am chained outside heaven
watching the kiss i wished i would have
watching the girl i dreamed i would be
watching the ground shatter in me
outside heaven and i take my time
noooooow you have all the time in the world
to cry cluster clatter and call
to the devils near and far and down and deep
call call call with you they will seep
n your collective misery as one with the other
let them finish their day job and come crash yours
look thats me and i cannot be with her
your fault we just did waters wanted us to be
drown you clown nothing to do with us you see
i cannot grasp clasp or rasp anger or regret
they are right they are correct
they are tearing what i suspect
to be true
i am here outside watching my dream
i am here inside creaming my lean
meats of torment taste of fury
not one in a million can simmer this bean
this doesnt make any sense
i am lost in madness..............
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