Tuesday, February 14, 2012

getting my life back.......

waking up after a long nightmare
I look around to find the remains of a beautiful woman
torn by tears
having been lost by her fears
and betrayals
waking up after a long time
I realise the only bad dream I ever had
I created
waking up after a long vision
there is no vision
but success
now
my heart is my own
my soul is going to learn love
true love
not fake lust
 in myself I will trust
with my mind I will challenge
the world
I will challenge them all and
I will pass
I will pass it all
with flying colours
because i deserve the best
 and inside me there is the best woman

there is the most faithful woman
there s t he most beautiful woman
there is the most traditionlly modernwoman
there is a woman with utter respect and knowledge
there is a woman who will show herself
who will show herself..........

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -