Sunday, February 12, 2012

searching for the missing sultanate....I

If you go searching for trouble you will find it
if you search for history you will dig it out and whats buried will come alive
if you search for fear you will find it in the eyes of another
if you search for fear within yourself you will learn, learn so many things about you
patience
if you have patience you will get goodhtings
if you learn patience you will become a good person
if youtake your time you will make a beatiful woman
if you look hard enough
you will find a tarnished woman dying to come out
if you think sweetly life will taste nice
if you findthe inner strength you can become a different woman
altogether
rememberwe do not know how life will turn
but power is in your hands and in the hands of God
so do not fail your power for you can do a great deal under gods rule
the woman i want to become wants to find the queen inside her
wants to find hte rules and sultanate and the winning deal
wants to find the right thing and to combine myself as a whole sultanate of my choices and my emperor
I want to be the best that I can be .............

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -