Monday, March 5, 2012

starting again_ with strength & wisdom

today i am happy
i do not really know why
i tihnk mainly becasue i prayed alsubuh on time
its makes all the difference
and here is the devil
cunningly trying to bring sadness on me
its never easy
its never easy
to confuse and fall
to stumble and  find yourself with a hurt knee......

today I am happy and i want to stay happy all the time
I want to be happy always
becasue i deserve the best
i deserve change
i deserve strength
 ideserve power

I see
there  is a strange strength within me
its new
i was not like this
and i appreciate this within myself
suddenly i think its taking longer to hold me
but i have a lot to go



until I am free
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -