african love

I...want to make my own love

I want to feel my own pain and pleasure and not someone elses

like I have been manufactured for a devils smile

I ...want to wait for my own story

 and not make up a crazy sensation just to feel right

No, I want to be the one for someone

the right of someones fight

the trouble to make a mans heart wobble

and the sky to cover his soul

I am sick of crying and feeling down

simply becasue I am too small for my dreams

and so I dream others

I close my eyes and dream of others

No, i want to be my own smile and laughter and lovely tears

I want to be my own life, and someones wife

that I deserve and he deserves and we are one

I miss writing clean

I miss writing this crazy diary of wishes and commands

silliness and real knife thoughts

that have cut me with their pain

and bled me with their insanity to survive

like a tumor of love

a cancer of emotion

a growth of feelings

I cannot control

I cannot live with

I cannot stop

unless I treat

and treating it is gona make me tired

and sick and fatigued

disproportionate euphoria

interesting

sometimes I am insanely happy with a small feeling

hope, adrenaline, power, strength youth, words, cells , beats and melody

other times I am insanely down with many

doubt, fear, guilt, weakness, desire, impatience, jealousy, failure , destruction, shortage and intensity to love

i have this crazy intensty to love I dont even know what i want or what love means to me but I know i have an intense madness within me that i want to calm down , ever so it flares with blazes of passion and attraction

I want you to be attracted to me

not just because I am beautiful

but because if you looked deep enough you would see a woman of deep fear to love her forever

you see, my idea of love is lacking

and yet it is complete

I know

that I do not know what i want but I know how i want to feel

like I've met you before

like I've held your hand before

like we were made for each other

i have this powerful urge to deny torment inside me

the more i hide from it the more i leave it consume me and have me

and the harder it is to stop

I have this maddening intesity to let my hair down somewhere in khartoum nights, the heat anticipating my desire to kiss you and the black sky ready to cover our stains of aching need

yeah, see all i want is to find a hot, silent, unused earth in downtown, broken khartoum and make it unique by looking into your eyes and knowing.....

this is where we should be ...together

and we make the worst things better

and we make the hardest things easier

and we make the hottest things hotter

and this love is forever and this love is never

going to die