Friday, March 9, 2012

Zalamtu

Zalamtu and with it zalamta nafsi
as I sat there i thought if it wasnt for him
I Would not be here
happy and filled and able to go and do anything i want
able to pass

Zalamtu and so God showed me
there is only a limited time
you may think itslong no way youll be late
but trust me


you can be late
and there comes apoint where u realise you really do want it to fall in Gods power to do anything he wants to do
and there comes ap oint where you really do want to stop thinking and working and letting God do all the work

but God helped me today and he showed me a better  way
and for that I will repay myself and him

Y a Rab ana zalamtu and I promise I will never again
Y a Rab ana zalamtu and I dont want to be that girl again
Y a Rab please never let me azlim nafsi , Ya rab


I am sorry
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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -