Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Tell me........that I'm right

I wrote this for a guy who does not know I exist..... and even though I know I'm only hurting myself, a part of me just wants to write......... always for him.

  I am lost for words, lost for an image, lost for a way to speak to you,to find you...... oceans, countries, people, everything seperates us.... and while you are far away in your own land you still look at the same stars as me, speak the same language as me, read the same words as me.....but you do not know me.....and I .....close my eyes and imagine life with you... and then something happens to me you are so much closer....I just want to find you, to hear your voice... to see what your eyes might say but I am afraid you would misunderstand me you would minature me..... you might even laugh......  your world grabs my attention like an amazing movie I do not want to stop watching....your words tell me a heartbeat i never want to stop feeling.. your place attracts my every imagination..... I see it like the perfect puzzle but all the pieces are missing...except the piece where i cannot stop thinking about you.    I once wrote I couldnt bare a rejection from a man that I love...there is one thing wrong with that sentence..... i have already bared a rejection from a man that I love.............

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -