or is it my tragedy
i never write for others
i purely write for myself
I dont know do I write to live or do I write to die
I once wrote I hated writing
for writing gave me a freedom I was too afraid of
I could say how I feel and what I feel is dangerous
words encapsulate me like destiny
I never write for others
in fact people wouldnt know what Im saying
I write so fast I make spelling mistakes
like my life mistakes
im thinking ever so fast
but im thinking about all the wrong things
Im afraid of writing
Im afraid of showing my feelings to anyone
even I cannot understand who I am
even I cannot imagine what I am
if i had to write to you
I would say........
Please do not judge by what you do not know
if I had to write to you
I would say
I am the woman you do not know
I am mysterious but all forgotten but all hidden
I have no diary about my life
just my emotions and devotion to the wrong the right
the true and the false
the magic and the tragic
this is a tragic diary
like a bad car accident
or a terrible nightmare
but it holds me like I can never let go
for I write my despair
I write trying to repair broken ideas
I write before I can forget forgotten memories
so they are engraved in this sadness
in this madness
I call
lost under control
I am really a lost woman seemingly under control
I have no control over desire or what I dream about
and so until I find the answer
I will remain to be lost in this valley of words
in these words like swords
they bleed me always to continue..........trying to heal
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