Sunday, January 1, 2012

My first dream

May this year lose all bullets of secrets
told by the thoughts of others spilling onto my own

May this year be happy and easy
easily filled with a simple explosion of excuisite story
my story

may this year be the happiest year in my life
may this year be my untold future
may be this year be my reason for livng

May this year be my tears paying enough
my cries turning diamonds
and god.... forgives me
that is a beautifully organised day

May this year be challenging
no misery may break me
only God can make me
better, older, a new woman

a  different composition from the rest
Ya Rab
please have mercy on me\this year
 have mercy on me
 touch me with your grace and love
 forgive me for all I have done in 2011
 do not break me this year
 do not let me trick me
please letme be awake at the right times

Ya rab let my first dream come true
that you love me and forgive me and accept me this year
Ya Rab


YA rab let all my first and right dreams come true
Please organise me into tommorrows melody composition
let me be the right tune
let me play .......wonderfully\
Dear God
I beg you to forgive me
Dear God

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -