Saturday, January 28, 2012

A long lost dream 2

Today I was reminded of an old dream. One that may have  started my writing . The reason I wrote a poem or the reason i felt loving emotions. The reason I am here today writing liket his was all this dream that started a long time ago... I still remember the notebooks , the scenes going on in my mind... the flavour of them. they were beautiful to me... they meant everything to me...and suddenly it started dissappearing I changed
I did not deserve the beautiful dream  anymore
it did not light within me anymore slowly and slowly it removed itself until i no longer ached for it instead new things came to mind and the beauty of my dream died
and today i met a woman who reminded me of the old me the one ive been searching for that part of me that hid after my old dream parted I was reminded why i had that dream i said it i once used to dream ............and I felt lost in space almost taken back to a moment when everything was right simple and elegant again

and it made me think
what really iis my favourite love story?

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -