Wednesday, January 11, 2012

En Route to ........... The woman


En Route to.............. the woman who holds the ocean glory
she looks out to the ocean, the cean small in her memory ,vast in her emotion she takes a breath of fury, fury to be the right woman, adrenaline soars in her anatomy, she is the perfect body of water harmony the sky of the blue cloth she intimately connects life to sings far with the wind. I am happy to be with you. She is clean, she is smart and she is patient. happily involved with life but in a relationship with God. THis woman knows what she's doing what she wants. She deserves anything pure and right -

Ya RAb
forgive me for I h ave done wrong
many times and may where
seperate me from my sins like you seperate the west from the east
do not let me see them ever again like you do not let see the snight and day together

Ya Rab you do not change people unless they change within themselves
I vow to change myself
I vow to break free from the chains of my disgust

Dear God
analyse me from pain
describe me from torment
write me down about sorrow
Do not pick any of these
I vow to become better feel better look better
I vow to be stronger and smarter
Ya Rab I beg only you and i beg you that it is not too late

I beg you to help me ya rab

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -