10- 4.5

its been a while since i've been counting

but i'm listening to my strength and am no longer drowning

2012 I plan to be

the best woman that I can see

just  a few days ago I was a year away

but I thank god that I couldn't stay

in that cold, dark and miserable place

suddenly the sunlight was in my face

a new year

a new chance

a new plan

a new span... of life

a part of me is sorry for all that I have done

but a part of me knows whats done is done

what I've done is gone

what I didn't do is still undone

I went to africa to find my heart

I went back home to search for the start

I went to the desert to get back the truth

I went to a hot winters tale to catch my youth

and in the wind , the blowing wind

and amidst the wedding of fantasy where red satin sat

and throughout the days where the sun was friendly

and over the mornings when fresh coffee brewed

and in the evenings when glowing stars chewed

.......the bitterweet pain

a part of me wanted to scream

a part of me wanted to dream

a part of wanted it all to seem

.....fine

I know it wasn't fine

it was dangerous and cruel

it was innocent but I was the fool

it was shameful I used her as as tool

I used him, them as a tool

I invisibly bled a red velvet pool

.....of beautiful blood

Here I am today 5 days on

no more memories just the remedy to find the one

God...and I 

are broken ever so

I desperately want to fix it and make it glow

......and i have this year to find how to fix it