Thursday, January 19, 2012

i cannot control myself

Obsession is a pure desire taking energy from everything you are so youcan remain with its deep and darkest offense to hold you
you do not care about anything else
want anything else
you could forget food and drink and eduction or even family
just to be with  what your eyes have been seduced by

seduction a beautiful word that can be romanticised and beautified but can be accidentally monstrous. unable to have a balance seducive eyes can topple you over the edge , break you, or make you better or stronger, when you are really weaker and shattered. seduction the eye cannot see but feel the soul reaches to sustain the mind can no longer breathe without this ruling desire i have for you

desire the word that steals kings, makes queens, kills unstoppable uncontrollable attention to the great fury of touch and taste - there is no other there is no one that can do this to me but you I desire nothing but to watch you sleep to hear your voice to touch your face to have you under my control

control a word where kept you gain the good side of the world and when lost you lose yourself - control the test of all eternity the test of time challenging your every obsession seduction desire and need icannot control myself and so i have lost myself......................

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -