Sunday, January 8, 2012

devils plan, and 2 meetings

Devils Plan: lets fail her , make her fail, make her cry, make her always lost and always sad, lets make her never strong, never decided, never useful to herself, lets make her dizzy, make her feel agony and lets make her waste another year , always lets make her waste her time, her health and her feelings, lets make her use so much of her resources that she never is able to get up, lets make her weak, lets make her blind to her abilities, lets make her always jealous, always broken, always under spoken

i wonder how much i've let happen, I wonder how much they want to let happen
I wonder how much i'm going to let past me , and how much i'm going to give away......

all the good things that god gave me , I want to give away
the things that god CHOSe not to give them -- I give them
I give them my mind, I give them my freedom I give them my feelings, I give them my time, I give them my success , I give them


MY


LIFE


Devils meeting: we need her to always be like this, always lost, always in failure mode, if she ever wakes up then where would we get our facilities? we would starve and die we must always build new strategies and twist her here and there so she is so tied up she does not know where to begin if she ever wanted to even dream to revolutionise

Devils meeting 2 - not to worry this is normal procedure, she always does this , how many times she has tried to run way and we catch her, how many times she has tried to scream and we shut her up and how many times we have heard this before and it never has worked so don't worry everyone just keep eating and drinking and taking all you want we've got years of work ahead of us




.............To be continued

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -