Saturday, January 19, 2008

You I miss

All I feel like doing is writing – writing about you – writing about you -

But so many traits of feelings race to become proven; I can’t stop the blockage of my internal confusion. My eyesight blurs close to blinding my vision of fate and dreams, my hearing fails near to echoes of a distant scream.

I just feel like knowing - An interconnection of terminal hearts always together, understanding each other, forever -

A drama back on you – you pose in a memory of a bleeding scenario full of a soul disaster. I listen to your breaking heartbeat from far away hidden emotions. My eyes see your truth from behind a billboard of fake advertisement to your mind – you’ve bought the deal of an unforgiving future the change of a nightmare reality now beginning as prosperity. I beg to shatter the fake mirror you see yourself through but I can't find a fault to show you – I can't discover the invisible mistakes in your thoughts – I can't point at the areas where I’ve fallen in love with you – so you do what u got to do – in a world where you are a soldier true -

My eyes deceive me, betray me and leave me
To take the blame off my heart, that I let this all start

I remember when I was so weak for u but hid behind moon blue/ African romantic hue – a color shade prominent with a disguised tropical affection – baby I wanted to tell you – that you were a dark remedy I was addicted to – but you healed only my ability –to give you – a completely different melody – of what I wanted to truly sing -

When I was so deep for u, I bought silence in my heart and used it brand new
When I cried for u, each tear heavy with sadness – I wiped my tears into darkness

You shift my heart to a level of so much trust that I want to live out my fantasy with this unique crazy relationship of you by side- you melt all my fears away – even though you are the seed of their reason, but I could drown in this pool of love – only you can fulfill my needs – take me away from this agony – and become symbolic of just one of a kind in this world -Just one of us so strong – in romance for too long – I don’t want to be wrong cuz I like it – even though its seems wrong I can't fight it - Take me away to another place – save me – save me –save me –

You don’t know what you done to me – I love it when I hear your name- And how I feel will remain the same- I never thought I needed u desperately - I’m addicted irrationally - It’s kinda sick how I’m stuck on u- But I don’t care cuz I’m needing you

You keep me sane and I can’t complain
You’re the Love flowing thro my veins
Keeping me alive and feeding my brain
Thinking about the way you kiss
It’s always you I miss

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -