Friday, January 4, 2008

Tickets to a new day

Go back to a moment of peace, where there was a light ease of life floating amongst the power of blankness. Now I am blank sucked through endless meaningless words of a reality con. I wonder about questions that can’t be answered, about answers that don’t have questions. I can't stop thinking about fate’s introduction. Where does fate begin, the junction between miracles and the motorway to school – when is it time for destiny to come, I wonder am I living my destiny already.

My eyes hurt and they deceive me

My ears connect me to echoes of evaluated disaster

The jigsaw puzzle in the middle, anguished with distractions, born with pieces lying around everywhere, made of fragile parts to lose and takes forever to make out, is me.

The broken camera takes pictures of my un-focused experiences and frames them adequately for all of the world’s judgment to prevail. My actions are contributions of poor gold on a market of heavy duty buyers – religion, education, tradition. My goals hang on a thread, ridiculed by poverty of ability. Ability to achieve my highest ability - I fear about its demand. Am I strong enough to battle the path of my hardship? Can I change teacher of minds to become taught better ways, tickets to a new day, but right now they seem too expensive, but if I don’t hurry they will be sold out.

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -