Sunday, January 20, 2008

The game - I don't want nobody else

Whose heart u broke?

What painful words u spoke?

You played……..down with the game – walls of broken promises be busted but you’ll fix it so nobody knows – nobody knows that all is wrong in your mind - except I can see the sorrow in your eyes -In my soul I feel you’re hurt - I’m guessing its your pride - That keeps your pain so deep inside –

Mess in my head signs my existence – I leave a signature of bamboozled reasoning’s highlighting me in a circle of misunderstood significance - I try and normalize my conscience but wafers of emotions eat me up into a land never to hide flavors of thinking about you – just your name throws me into a sensation of waking up inside from a deep sleep – I dream about your hidden touch, if I love you so much will you ever know?– am I close to the end of a disaster behind a corner of unforgiving lies – breaking the shadow of tomorrow I try and fantasize about realities craziness if it let me find me, your arms around me, held by you in love with me –
I link the chains of probability and link my chaos of fantasy together in a bundle of cracked invisibility – it seeps back in my smile as I conjure you gazing into my eyes because you want to be near me forever – but I desperately cry to pull back the heavy weights of my beautiful images under dust – I must dig you out of sight – Before –

(Breathe in)

I begin to imagine you changing into this miraculous fight of a soldier in danger, fighting for his heart – fighting to never be apart – from country and identity – from religion and true vision – of deep color and honor – from understanding and believing – standing strong against wrong – driving back from black – and turning to light – in this world of night – you look up sight - of perseverance and adherence – to love for the one above – to love for faith – he made you brave this way – Muslim you pray – you love all you say – to defend who you are – a shining star – never changed by the pain – never melting in the rain – always staying the same – you are true to your game –

(Breathe out)

Too late for me to recover the glow blazing from my heartbeat because of your brown eyes courage saving me from the drought of my silence – I need to tell you – you are everything to me – you mean all that can be – you’ve become all I can see – all hearts magically enter deep - With your ebony smile – I become lost for a long while – in the dark of its spark - Something special, you know, I always need you by my side - I don’t want nobody else - I just want to see you grow – I want to feel your real rhythm flow - But I can't help if u can't help yourself – And I just want to let u know that I don’t want nobody else.

Let’s stay together - forever – before the dawn of the fragile inconsiderate gate of fate – opens my eyes – to lies and cries – that appear and never disappear -

You are - Love so good like I’m dreaming, crazy what u got me feeling -

But you’re fooling with my trust – black roses grow from concrete – and always defeat – betraying heartbeats – but your petals question the question marks themselves to ask for a different color – you are red of rage and passion – black of dark and soft parks – white of pure but a cold endure – green of traveled pastures in a never after – blue so high and soaring so low – yellow of the sun shining on a gun – of your despairs without repair - Trust me when I say, I don’t want nobody else – you are confusion in fusion – revolution in distribution – joy in restoration – freedom in compartmentalization – lost in desperation - change in beautification – understanding in realization – love in communication -

_______I don’t want nobody else.______________

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -