Sunday, January 27, 2008


U lit my heart, using the stars as a lamp
But suddenly ………
My mind was blank, in waters of heaviness I sank
Deeper and deeper I fell in the creation
Of darkness and empty realizations
I/me what is it that I should see/be?
I wanted to find out what it was all about
And not be tricked by anxiety and doubt
So through the portal of dreams I tried to reach you
The crystal transferred the magic broken/unspoken
And every spell was too late to change fate
I shut my eyes and begged for a dream… classic
Magic, magic fix what is tragic

He doesn’t see me in this poisoned reality
So heal him with any beautiful remedy
Let me tap him with some corner of my existence
And change him unchanged to the change of brilliance
The potion of honor, tell him where it is so he can discover
A new part of his soul – a new place behind this wall
Where he can grip the corners of his soul

Why did I go through this?
Why did I worry with all this pain?
Is it worth all the broken memories?
His loss in my heart
His ways living in my soul
And I wonder about him day and night

In the distance –
So far away under the same sky’s existence
But through oceans where salt corrodes all love and words
Rusting all the promises in the depth of a blank drowning smile
Why did I remember his shining armor?
That swept the night and he became my knight forever after

He left a hollow in my dreams for me to fill with emptiness
I fantasized the reasons why he would understand my weakness
Yet fall in the strength of love
But mystical arrangements failed to achieve magic --

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -