Sunday, January 6, 2008

Faith in crisis_ ( in the process of changing)

I will be there for you, no matter what you do
But I haven’t been good I haven’t been true
Its ok you are the one I will help in times of despair
But I have broken your trust beyond repair
You can always ask for forgiveness
I don’t deserve all this kindness
You need to pray and continue your reading
I need to change and beg for your healing
My soul is damaged from forgetting your beauty
Please god le me see your faith’s honesty
Blazing in the cold
Warming the frozen nightmares
I need your help your sleeping testimonies
I’m sorry I’ve been wrong
I regret all I’ve done
You can stop yourself from being mistaken
I want to make up for all I’ve forsaken
Give me a chance to show you someone else
You can do that and ill give you strength
Give me eyes to only see right
Ill give you sight to choose light_______________________
A prayer of thanks:
Thank you for letting me fly
Above the sky to a world so high
Full of chances and remedies
Closed from tragedies
Right now – I love you for helping me
But please guide me
Please guide me
Don’t let me fall of the beaten track
Pick me up before It’s too late to come back
Don’t let me ruin my life with my own hands
Don’t let me ruin my life with my own hands
Let me stay safe within your power
Protect me from black showers that stain me until I can't see who I am
Find me the soap to wash my dirty palms
My dirty palms -
I want to hide them before you see
The ugliness in me
But I can’t hide from you
I cannot show you fake clean pages of my age
Lock up my disasters in a hidden cage
Change me with calm instead of rage
Calm me from within
And take my impurities far
Turn me into a shining star
That can light for your faith,
That can smile with your trace
In her heart and mind
Let me find
Belief and honor
By loving your words and color
You draw prosperity like rainbows in my days
All from your kindness
You keep taking blackness

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What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -