Sunday, January 13, 2008

Echoes in my mind_(Found and Lost)

Through the crevices of my day
I fall through the darkness of my dreams
My twisted genes recover madness within me
The increments of my mistakes cover all goodness inside me
A meeting of broken cries
A tone of unspoken defects diagnose my remedies
Every time I try to repair
I wear my heart away
I tear my words astray
I argue with my soul until it runs away
To be thrown back before the mess
Before the start
Before the goals
- to a devils dream
- the partnership of crime
- the source of betrayal

I worship my flaws although I hate their meanings
A primitive mind trying to advance through pain and suffering
Finding the technology of determination a great deal to handle
And so turns back to igloo frozen memories and straw hut chances
The question wriggles in my head – why have I become like this?
Unbalancing my earth and tumbling my washed conscience to dirt
Black particles of quintessential lies – make me
And I flood my soul with cries
That I was once found but now lost
Lost far away in the space of my fantasies
In the wrongs of my convicted admirations
It’s like I want to go to a Mafia paradise
So I can be gunned down from a window of my unrestrained shadow
Because I thought I as safe
When I was only in raw born danger
Stolen in time broken through the middle of my forever
I can't watch myself anymore - a film of tragedy
Hollywood freedom imprisoned behind famous guilt
Trust falters like a mischievous child under a parents stare
Crying the night after being punished
Waking with swollen eyes but at least a clean heart
Unlike my filthy heart – beating to a rhythm dirty of weakness
I don’t know who I am anymore
I don’t know what to do to make things right
I’m stuck on an elevator only able to plummet down
Down into the pits of my tears
The factory of my wasting years
Once I was fine and found
Now I’m lost without control
I’m lost without a goal
I’m lost to the great fall – of never finding myself at all.

No comments:

What it is...

I see Life like a rose in the ice... beautiful but with cold settings - There are so many incredible things out there - but we always need to fight and perservere against the hardships too... otherwise the cold will win ... and we will wither away.

My imagination has led me to believe in something called 'Sudan Fairytale' -
The fantasy that My country will one day be independant and proud, never selfsish to provide its people with its needs, give freedom and success to all, be forever committed to achieve a prosperous inhabitance to every Sudanese in their own country-

My eyes fail me and I see the truth which I call - 'Khartoum Heartbreak' - This is a theme running through the blog under the 'Khartoum Heartbreak' Poems and whatever else about Sudan conveying broken down love, poor streets and cut off electricity along with a lot of other decays and problems in Khartoum city Life.

But I love my country and so I have no choice but to merge the Pain and the Love as one.

Faith is my heart and I could never do without it hoping in my prayers that I can be someone better always and that God forgives me as I fall in Mistakes through that frozen path of Life...

Sometimes I feel under control with all the too many emotions that run to colour my days and nights - Books, movies, music, dreams, friends, family, strangers, travel, - reality - the 10 O' Clock news -Most of the time I'm very Lost in trying to understand - whatever happens becomes tangled into writing this confusing memoir -

It's a really odd combination of air - not sure whether it is refreshing or suffocating - stabilising or maddening - But I breathe and
so it is
'Memoirs of a Sudanese breath' as I am 'Lost but under control' -